THIS THE REAL ME...

*this is me
im going through changes

lately i really feel like im rollin down hill
i feel like im losing control of myself
i sincerely apologize if all that i sound like sarcasm
but life keeps on complicating and im debating
on leavin this world, today, even my family
cant see im grieving, i try and i hide it
this i can, why do i act like im all high and mighty
when inside im dying, i finally realize i need help
i cant do it by myself, too weak, 18 years ive been having ups and downs
going to schools on daily, dilly delaying
around with idea, of ending school right here
im hatin my reflection, i walk around house trying to fight mirrors
i cant stand what i look like
yeah, i look fat and it kills me
ive give up, that is one thing i fear, my body
im afraid if i get fatter people wont see who i am

repeat*

i lock myself in the bedroom, on bed, nappin at noon
yeah all in a bad mood, they always snappin at you
fauzan what happen at you, you cant stop with these life
and you have fallen off with your own self, and people are laughin at you
i t became a problem youre a coward to fight back, get up
be a man, stand, a real man woulda had this things handled
know you just had your heart ripped out and crushed
they say proof just flipped out, my friends just swift out and bush
nah, its like im the only one who can do that
i would had shoot at... no-body, i fight first
but when i do that it just make my life worse
now im poppin meat, rice, and fats
yeah JAN, tight shirt, you rip it
lazieness hang around me like ditch
and they gonna step on me if i say STOP
its their best time
to make myself die
and i just lost my freakin look so go away i guess

repeat*

my friend just cant understand me
thats understandable man, but just think how crazy you would be
you'de be an animal to, if you were trapped in this costume and caged it like a zoo
and everybody lookin at you, what you want to do?
im startin to like a recluse and the truth is
lazieness startin to give me an excuse, to be at all humorous
i sit alone in my room, lookin at myself
of the first season, the last season, i was still alive
and it hurt sore, fast forward, just sleep will make me feel alright
and if i woke up in the middle of the night
i think of myself who am i, oh right im just a person who is wearing a mask right
i aint doin it for no one, i am almost homeward ground
almost in a coma, yeah than my sister dilah say dont give up now
acik dont die on me, acik better hold your ground
damn, dont i know the sound of that voice
yeah angah hold me down

repeat*

wake up in the hospital, full of tubes, plus somehpw im pullin through
swear when i come back ima be bulletproof
ima do it just to prove, that i close my ears for the people who spew facts
cause i may not get a chance again to become the truth
it just hit me that what of i would notta made it through
i think about the things i would never do
id never get to make it right, so here what i came to do
along, angah, ateh and arah to
i love our parents, that will never change
think about the everyday, im just to hypocrite to say that
hey, wish there was a better way, for me to say it
but i swear to everybody, i do anything to change
there are just too many things, to go through, when it rains,
guess it pours, yes it does, wish there wasnt any pain
but i cant pretend there aint, i aint placin any name
i aint pointin fingers, people knows that i never be a saint
i know it just feels like im just pissed my history
i hate my old self, wish ive chabge sooner then
now i just had to go now, i know why
i dont know what else to say, i guess i am....